Nobody Told Me There'd Be Days Like This

Actually.

I don't know if I am just a perfectionist.
Or a pessimist wanting to act like an optimist.
Or too sensitive over things I could not really do anything about anyway.

But they do happen. Things like this one.
And I am just not too good looking to post vlog over YouTube - that may win over some 10k subscribers and 1 million views. Who needs them anyway.

Sometimes when these days do happen, I just look toward the high tower of eternity. Looking around the bend. This too will pass.

That this is for a greater purpose. F**k. At times, I am just excusing the yin for the sake of the yang.

If you were to ask the darn philosophers - whom I turn to when all the people around me are momentarily just a bunch of a-holes - they would say (Okay, Martin would say) "Live the moment. Live the pain. Accept it. It hurts. Don't deny. The more it will hurt you."

So I do.

It f**kin' hurts that sometimes - okay, most of the times - you exert everything you have in you, talk to 3,000 people everyday, sit down in three thousand meetings hearing basically the same things, spend more time going to and fro the buildings than sitting at your table - sometimes you do all that, and then, because of that, you miss a thing - and why? because you were in some goddam meeting that does not concern you primarily - and there are no floating vegetables anymore but hey - and because of that, all hell breaks loose.

I hate it when a good thing would go wrong.

At the back of my mind, the days of PB-Greenhills are always there. When I was young and restless and very productive. But, there's always that whisper: Go on. Move on. Forget Paris. Forget Prudential. Move on.

Can I not find something like it?

**God I remember Andrea's book (THE favorite book now): "When you're lost...make every place look like home".

"If you're afraid of the dark, add one more star to the night". Aaaaw. (Andrea mimicks that)

Ok, I am just going to feel bad a bit more. Just this day. Three more hours. Tomorrow, I pick up a new, better card.

And hope that Language Objectives don't repeat on my student activities anymore. Or those petty things that are but unicellular organisms in this vast ocean of Georgeness. Which nobody recognizes anyway.

And if it does not work out....

I could always say good bye.

Again.


"...alone, once more alone...a travelling boy, and merely passing through...."